I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
