i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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