Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
