oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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