Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize