I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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