Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
