I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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