i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Your mouth is God's brothel.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
