is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize
