Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
