I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
