Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
