it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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