I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
