Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
