this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
