i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
