id be glad to
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
