I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
