As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
