He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
