Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
