At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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