if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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