when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize