TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
