I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
There's even glitter on my cock...
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