she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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