I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Maybe he injected his testicle?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
