i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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