I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
