Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
