I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
