It's like God shit irony all over that family
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize