i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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