I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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