Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
