We won't sleep together?
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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