I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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