its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
