how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
