break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
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