Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
