help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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