Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
