remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize