im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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