Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Randomize
