You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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