Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
she looked like the before picture.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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