I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
