You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
