i permit you to call me
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
