i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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