we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize