I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
