I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
