just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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