Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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