At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
