please come you make the beer taste better
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
