Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
